The references you provide to the employer for the job you REALLY WANT are more important than you imagine. A missing in action reference can really kill your chances of a job offer, especially if the choice between you and another candidate is a close one. Before we get to the nuts and bolts of how to ask for a reference, it is important to understand that you should NOT: Use the same references for every job. Some of your references may have more knowledge about the specific skills you would like to highlight than others. Read more.